Patience: Negative and Positive

Today, my reading in Psalms was chapter 78:38-43:

"Yet he, being compassionate, atoned for their iniquity and did not destroy them;
he restrained his anger often and did not stir up all his wrath.
He remembered that they were but flesh, a wind that passes and comes not again.
How often they rebelled against him in the wilderness and grieved him in the desert!
They tested God again and again and provoked the Holy One of Israel.
They did not remember his power or the day when he redeemed them from the foe,
when he performed his signs in Egypt and his marvels in the fields of Zoan."

In this passage, the psalmist is reflecting on how much the people of Israel turned away from God but God was merciful. Another term we use for this is “patience”. When we say that God has patience, we are referring to the fact that as humans, we let God down but then he in return does not give us what we deserve. This is the negative aspect of patience that reminds us of another phrase that means the same thing: “long-suffering”. Someone has to endure the mistakes of another.

As parents, we need to show this type of patience to our kids often. Maybe they break something or they can’t find their black belt that they need for the concert in 2 hours so you have to go and buy a new one…only to find it when you get home after the concert. Just saying. While some of us are better than others at this, these types of things are what comes to mind first when we think of patience.

In The Songs of Jesus, Tim Keller has a passage, a little devotional and then a prayer. One phrase in his phrase on this passage gave me pause. The prayer was “Lord Jesus, the old meaning of patience is ‘long-suffering’ and you indeed suffered infinitely rather than give me the punishment my sins deserved. You have been unspeakably patient with me. Let that truth make me patient with people around me, and with my circumstances, and with your every disposal of my life. Amen.” The phrase that caught my attention was the last one: “and with your every disposal of my life”. At first, I needed to think about what that meant. God was not getting rid of me, so it is not the first meaning of the word. After a while, it seemed the best definition was like “at one’s disposal” meaning “available to be used”.

To put that phrase in other words, he is saying that we need to be patient with God when he uses us or when he is working in our lives. We need to go through a hard time now so that God could be glorified later. Because we are not enduring someone else’s sin, this could be looked at as the positive version of patience. Almost like watching a video where someone says, “Wait for it”. Something good is coming and it will be worth it.

Unfortunately, this is harder for me to endure. Why? That is a good question and I am not sure I have a complete answer. Part of it is that I am not in control. Part is I do not know what to do. Part is I am not sure how long. In other words, I do not trust God enough to hold on to the promise that the end will be worth it.

This psalm is chastising the Israelites for forgetting what God has done for them and how faithful God has been to them. Am I not in the same boat? To paraphrase a song we sang on Sunday with Communion, Jesus surrendered all for us; we should give him all of us in return. That includes being patient with His “every disposal of my life”.